Most people have seen “The Dark Knight,” (directed by Christopher Nolan), perhaps the best superhero reboot yet, but just because things are looking up doesn’t mean the storm clouds of “Batman and Robin” have passed. Case in point: “Spiderman 3,” a train-wreck and absolutely terrible movie (on this point there may be no debate). And don’t even get me started on “The Hulk” (which made me turn green for a rather different reason). And what’s the deal with Shia LaBeouf? Seriously. (Did they not learn what happens when you try to take a Disney actor and put them in movies? Anyone remember Lohan?)
But maybe we shouldn’t be worried. “Ironman 2” was (despite overwhelming and inadmissable issues) a good movie (I only say this because of my profound love for Mickey Rourke/ “Whiplash”), and I didn’t fall asleep during “V for Vendetta,” but can any movie truly outdo the original “Batman” movie (starring Adam West! Adam-freaking-West!)? I think not! The sad truth is that for every good movie in the genre there are 10 bad ones, and with Seth Rogan set to play the Green Hornet, I’d say that’s not likely to change. So should we really be going the “Gritty Reboot” route? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for seeing Captain Planet played by Samuel L. Jackson, but I think there may be a better alternative.
I now present you with a list of titles: Woody Allen’s “Superman” (starring Woody Allen), Quentin Tarantino’s “The Flash” (starring Bruce Willis), Wes Anderson’s “Batman” (starring Adam West as Batman with Bill Murray as Robin and Jason Schwartzman as Alfred), Akira Kurosawa’s “Spiderman” (starring the late Bruce Lee’s ghost), and Ingmar Bergman’s “Transformers.” If, for some ungodly reason you (yes, YOU!) cannot picture these movies, ship yourself to Madagascar immediately and await further instructions (Allow two to three years for delivery).
It may seem like a joke, but there is no doubt in my mind that the above list would make for far better movies than “The Punisher” (though admittedly that wouldn’t be hard). It’s a shame Hollywood’s best attempt at creating an out-of-genre style superhero flick was “Superhero Movie,” but when someone is stupid enough to think working with the “Scary Movie” guys is a good idea, you can’t really hope for much.
On a sidenote: There’s a “Yogi Bear” movie that’s coming out! Did you not read my letters Hollywood? I have hostages!
Interested in a list of movies to watch? Have any questions or comments about anything from the article? Feel free to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org for information or answers.