It is that time of year—graduation is upon us. “Almost There Fair” just happened. Hopefully, most seniors actually are almost there. Presumably, we have all bought our caps and gowns. That still leaves us with many things to decide and figure out—graduation dinner, announcements, jobs, grad school, squeezing parents and relatives for graduation bucks, class rings, responsible drinking the night before graduation. The most pressing question, however, the question that most desperately needs to be answered, the question for the ages is: what are you going to do to alter, abuse and make better that $33 plastic garbage bag, ahem, graduation gown that you just bought?
Since the beginning of time, there have been graduation pranks —releasing greased pigs, hiding fish numbered 1, 2, 4, 5 in vents and desks, rebuilding small German cars on top of buildings, leading cows up staircases and turning the president’s car upside down. Setting aside all the myriad automotive and livestock oriented options, a perennial favorite has always been doing things to your graduation gown that your mother just will not approve of because it will ruin the pictures. So, to get the brain juices percolating and the ideas fermenting, here are 11 possibilities to get you started.
1) Convert your gown into the costume of the young hero of Hyrule, Link, and wear Majora’s mask in honor of our commencement speaker, Majora Carter. Is it possible that Roger Taylor is a Gerudo?
2) Walk around very quickly muttering curses and pointing a short stick at people. Voila! You are Snape.
3) Cut your gown in half along the sides, reattach it together with Velcro and wear nothing but your underwear and a Super-Man t-shirt underneath. Once you have received your diploma, tear off your gown dramatically, revealing your true identity and heroically dive into flight off of the stage.
4) Convert your gown into Hammer Pants. ‘Nuff said.
5) Sew the arm and neck holes shut. Use as a parachute to launch yourself off Old Main, allowing yourself to soar down like an eagle and pluck your diploma from the outstretched hand of Dean Brietborde.
6) Cut along one side, tie it around your left side like a toga and recline over four seats, eating grapes and belching loudly.
7) Convert into Batman wings, wear a mask and run around yelling like you have laryngitis.
8) Make your gown into the flag of a country of your choice. Throughout graduation sing the chosen nation’s national anthem at the top of your lungs.
9) Don’t wear your gown. Instead, go as Abraham Lincoln and repeat the Gettysburg Address over and over again.
10) Pull your gown up over your head, cut eye holes in it and loom ominously behind your friends wailing “whooooooooooooo” in a tremulous and pained tone.
11) Write “Friar 2011” on the gown and run around screaming “Fluuuuuuuuuunk Daaaaaaaaay” and throwing mud.