By Maisie “Moonbeam” Maupin and Anna “Asteroid” Casey
After consulting a Ouija board during a prairie thunderstorm, Moonbeam and Asteroid were struck by a powerful cosmic lightening bolt and subsequently blessed with visionary astrological powers. They became vehicles for prophetic celestial wisdom, under one condition: that they share their insight with the Knox universe.
Libra (September 23-October 22)
Don’t play stupid if you flirt during class. Smart is sexy, and you are both this week! Your TA is probably more attracted to your intellectual prowess than you think, so don’t turn off spell check just yet.
Scorpio (October 23-November 21)
Now is the time to pay attention to what your body is telling you. Feeling sick? You might be paying for your all-cantaloupe cleanse last week. Look on the bright side, you’ll find out about a mystery love this weekend!
Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Anything creative you put your mind-or your hot glue gun-to this week will turn out well. But maybe you shouldn’t tell your roommate about the voodoo doll you made with the yarn you spun from her hair.
Capricorn (December 22-January 19)
New opportunities are coming your way. Did your friend offer you a ride on her day trip to Moline? You should go; they just got a Chipotle!
Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
As far as your career is concerned, this could be a very profitable week for you. That alumnus that warned “you dirty hippies” to stop calling him until a Republican speaks at commencement might actually open his wallet and heart this week.
Pisces (February 19-March 20) You might be feeling stressed out, but don’t neglect your “you” time. Treat yourself to Zazen meditation this week, or send yourself a cupcake–or 10–in a K-box. Just don’t forget to send a fake secret admirer note with them, so nobody knows exactly how lonely you are.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Matters of the heart might seem to be going poorly right now, but on Sunday that will change. There’s never been a better opportunity for a brunch date and feeding each other Spudo’s and gravy in the Caf has never been so sensual.
Taurus (April 20–May 20)
Going to a small school is difficult when you have to see your ex and their new significant other all the time, but your success acts as revenge. Be sure to casually drop your Catch acceptance letter next time you see them.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
You’re on fire this week, so be sure to take the Gizmo Quizmo as you might just get the high score. Don’t spend too much time watching videos of ferret tricks in Founders when you have a paper due, you’ll pay extra for procrastinating this week.
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
With four planets in your domestic zone, you like to feel a sense of being “at home.” But that doesn’t mean everyone in your suite is comfortable with your naked yoga and loud native flute music in the common area. You should cut that out, but feel free to leave the Chia pet.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
What’s with the third degree? Don’t ask questions of new friends which you wouldn’t want to answer yourself. Sometimes your persistence in getting to know someone is misconstrued as badgering: “It’s none of your business what I put in my quesadilla!”
Virgo (August 23-September 22)
This week is not so much about feeding the body as it is about feeding the soul. Enjoy all the culture Galesburg has to offer! Meet a friend at the train museum, taste wine at Vintages, or take a tandem bike ride to Standish Park and finger paint with the squirrels.