Columns / Discourse / October 12, 2011

Written in the Stars: Horoscopes for homecoming week

After consulting a Ouija board during a prairie thunderstorm, Moonbeam and Asteroid were struck by a powerful cosmic lightening bolt and subsequently blessed with visionary astrological powers. They became vehicles for prophetic celestial wisdom, under one condition: that they share their insight with the Knox universe.

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

The full moon is in Aries in your partnership house, which means you’re on the look out for love. Just because you’re feeling red-hot this weekend doesn’t mean you should crash the Class of 1966 Open House. Everyone will peg you as a gold digger.

Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Starting this Friday, Mercury is making its way through Scorpio giving you exceptional communication skills. Any writing or public speaking engagements will go off without a hitch. Your “Roger Taylor Looking at Things” Tumblr will find new life after alumni get wind of it.

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Your star is shining especially bright now, Sag! Invitations will be filling your K-Box to the brim, but don’t forget to take care of yourself. Combining the two is even better: go on the 12th Annual 5K Homecoming Run and you might get a great action shot in the Register-Mail!

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Right now, intellect lights your prairie fire, so watch out for someone with a great head on his or her shoulders. Hide in the bushes by GDH and find the math whiz that wrote the equation in chalk on the side of the building. Your love could be an exponential curve — unbounded!

Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

This week you could sell an empanada back to Helmut at twice the price. You’re uber persuasive now, but don’t take advantage of people. Don’t get a box of Franzia and set up your own cash bar at Class of 1981 Bowling, as you might need to do some networking down the road.

Pisces (Feb. 19-Mar. 20)

Money matters need reevaluating right now, as the full moon enters your house of finance. Your dining dollars have been dwindling since you discovered Naked Juice. Instead of indulging every day, treat yourself to smoothies in the caf on Fridays. Add one scoop cake to three parts cake for a special delight!

Aries (Mar. 21-Apr. 19)

The full moon is in your sign, a once a year event—like making soap with the Pagan Student Alliance. Don’t let these rare opportunities pass you by! Relaxing in a tub with local corn-scented suds and lighting Gizmo incense is just what you need.

Taurus (Apr. 20-May 20)

While the full moon is bringing most of the other signs sexy and fun times this homecoming weekend, you’re feeling introspective as it enters your house of subconscious. But don’t think you can’t get free therapy at the Annual Psychology Department Fechnerfest! Those kids love to party, so join in on the fun.

Gemini (May 21-June 20)

You’re starting to feel as if you’ve grown apart from your current social circle. Do you feel like you were born in the wrong decade, but still believe in miracles, you sexy thing? Well then get up “offa that thang” and hustle your way down to the Class of 1976 Brunch for an afternoon delight.

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

Stop waiting for things to happen to you. Take command of your love life! Is there a certain someone you are drawn to like a squirrel to the Prairie Fire Homecoming Bonfire? Make a move! Invite them for a romantic dinner in the Oak Room and sparks will fly.

Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)

You always think big, and right now, it’s paying off. Support you need to make these dreams come true might come from international sources. Brush up on your Franglais and schmooze with Besancon alumni over crepes — or freedom fries — at Landmark.

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

Sluggish Saturn counters the full moon and you’ll be able to see through any obstacles in your way this week. Register for that math class you forgot about for three years and rest easy. Drinks at Cherry Street could lead to a lesson in long division.

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