By Maisie “Moonbeam” Maupin and Anna “Asteroid” Casey
After consulting a Ouija board during a prairie thunderstorm, Moonbeam and Asteroid were struck by a powerful cosmic lightning bolt and subsequently blessed with visionary astrological powers. They became vehicles for prophetic celestial wisdom, under one condition: that they share their insight with the Knox universe.
Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Do you have a passion for smoked ribs? The stars say now is the time to pursue career goals, which for you might mean a position at the Rib Shack. Put the books aside for a few minutes and get to work perfecting your dry rub.
Scorpio (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)
Your life coach, who for some is an academic advisor and for others is a card-swiper in the caf, will be an asset to you this week. Your sign is in the twelfth house of completions, making anything you set out to do a sure thing, like scaling the bell tower of Old Main while your friends cheer you on. The sky’s the limit!
Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Right now, your aspirations require some monetary support. So it’s time to get creative! In order to get what you need, you might have to barter a freshman in exchange for printing pages. Expect some give and take.
Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
This week Venus and Mercury guarantee that you will bond with like-minded friends. Did you meet someone on a Carl Sandburg Fan Club chat room? Maybe now is the time to meet up at Remembrance Rock at the birthplace to make some rockin’ remembrances of your own.
Aquarius (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Did you get caught eating Flamin’ Hot Cheetos in the library archives again? It’s about time you finally stepped off your soapbox about the no-food policy. Right now everyone is tired of you sitting up on that high horse, so climb down and wash that red dust off of your fingers before you touch those cuneiforms.
Pisces (Feb. 19-Mar. 20)
If you insulted your roommate’s Drawing I project, you can’t take it back, but you can make amends. Start rebuilding your relationship by practicing trust falls off of the roof of CFA, and slowly, but surely, your friendship will be at its best.
Aries (Mar. 21-Apr. 19)
Inspect all caf treats your significant other gives you this week — there could be a ring hiding inside. If he or she knows exactly how much you love Oreo fluff, maybe it is meant to be. Trust your instincts either way.
Taurus (Apr. 20-May 20)
Simple domestic tasks, like cooking, will bring you great joy this week. Get a clamshell full of ingredients from the caf and get creative in your dorm kitchen! Make your own version of a turducken: stuff a veggie corndog in a calzone, and wrap it in a burrito.
Gemini (May 21-June 20)
After the stress of midterms, you are ready to let loose. Feel free to hit up both senior meetings this week, just remember that next week it will be time to buckle down. Finals are just around the corner!
Cancer (June 21-July 22)
Venus and Mercury could have you feeling romantic this week. If you’re in a relationship, now’s the ideal time to work on strengthening your bond. Nothing brings people together like matching Lincoln tattoos. If you’re single, it’s time to let others know you’re on the market. See if you can take a hot new picture for the school’s Faces directory.
Leo (July 23-Aug. 22)
This weekend you are feeling like a social butterfly, so take a cue from the migrating monarchs passing through Galesburg and hit up all the hot spots: the Gizmo, that sketchy bar by the train station and the Subway in Wal-Mart. A five-dollar foot-long for two is in the stars!
Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Just because you played Just Dance in the Rog Lodge for the first time doesn’t mean it’s time to choreograph an entire ballet. Stick to the basics for a while. Before you know it, you’ll be teaching everyone else how to dougie.