Columns / Discourse / May 9, 2012

Satirical news headlines

Comedian apologizes: “I’m sorry, I was just trying to be offensive.”

Super moon looks basically like regular moon, disappoints millions.

Obama starts “Forward” campaign, insinuating that, at the very least, his campaign moves us forward — from the present into the future.

Romney to start “Backward” campaign as soon as he invents a time machine.

Arizona cuts Planned Parenthood funds, prompting Planned Parenthood to ask Satan for more money.

Satan cuts Planned Parenthood funds, suddenly realizing that all those unborn fetuses have been going to heaven.

Tennessee passes “Don’t Say Gay Bill,” then immediately arrests itself for saying the word “gay.”

Birther claims that newly elected French president François Hollande wasn’t actually born in America.

James Franco, method actor, has to be sexy even when not on camera.

Astronomers predict super sun to shine 40 quadrillion times brighter than super moon.

Media mogul Rupert Murdoch wasn’t aware his company was hacking his ex-wife’s emails, or bribing his grandchildren to kiss him on the cheek.

The Oprah Winfrey Network suffers $330 million in losses, deserves a new car.

U.S. asks Mexico and Canada to “hold it back” before it really does something about China’s human rights abuses.

Ben Lee

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