Despite upperclassmen’s rumors to the freshmen (i.e. “Flunk Day is tomorrow,” “Flunk Day doesn’t exist”), Flunk Day does, indeed, come around every year. With Flunk Season suspiciously announced on April Fool’s Day, campus has embraced the early buzz with plentiful Wiki Fire activity and outlandish guesses for the Flunk Date.
But not every Flunk Day is a good Flunk Day. Aside from the shameful amounts of rain last year, students can fall prey to the Too Long Flunk Nap, getting lost in Galesburg and Ñ worst of all Ñ running into professors.
Alas! There is no need to fear such mishaps. Here, a list of things to do and places to go when the most magical day of the year is upon us:
But wait! Get prepared first.
Before the grand Flunk finally arrives, make sure to stock up on everything that could be potentially useful. This includes an extravagant, eccentric outfit exclusively designed for maximum Flunkage. Other useful things: beverage containers (unmarked, if it is so desired), sunscreen, sun glasses, a large trash bag (AKA makeshift poncho), Sharpies/pens and a sack of sorts to carry it all. Shoes are certainly not required.
Write down Must Do Events on your hand/arm in pen. Or, better yet, in Sharpie.
A frequent complaint amongst students who have experienced Flunk is that they have not experienced enough of Flunk. There are dozens of events that are easy to miss when students forget where they are located or get caught up chasing a squirrel. The miniscule schedules that arrive secretively in students’ K-boxes get lost or triumphantly torn into shreds. It is best to make sure that these schedules physically cannot get lost, thus improving the fun levels of Flunk Day.
Remember cell phones. Use them.
Getting lost from friends is also quite possible when there are squirrels to chase and Abe Lincoln to scout out. But we live in a technological age in which there are at least five ways to contact anyone. Do not forget this. Set ringers on high and actually answer them. Flunking with friends is better than flunking alone.
Go on adventures.
Normal weekend adventures are infinitely better on Flunk Day simply because it is Flunk Day. Places to find: the overpass above the train yard, the “fox hole” and the Cellar. Special challenges: find the weirdest/creepiest thing in SMC basement. Or try to cross three sets of train tracks. (Editor’s note: the previous suggestion is especially applicable here.)
Make it impossible to lose the only thing that is absolutely essential.
Keys. Keys are absolutely essential. Without these, homelessness for Flunk Night is a palpable threat. No one wants that. Secure a keychain ring around a belt loop, a bra strap or any other article of clothing that will not, somehow, get removed.
Avoid getting burned out before Flunk Night.
Although “day” is in Flunk Day’s official title, there are events throughout the evening, too. Students can miss these because of the Too Long Flunk Nap, but the Too Long Flunk Nap can be evaded with the help of technology. Set an alarm for three hours, as this is apt time for napping and will also allow for two whole sleep cycles. This is as close as it gets to being able to purchase the feeling of being well-rested.
Come Flunk Night, make sure to attend the performance of the surprise musical guest and whatever Flunk-sanctioned parties are to follow. If it is still too early to stop Flunking, go to parties with friends, go to bars if it is legal for you to do so, play games or even go on more adventures. Flunking hard will always be worth it.