Columns / Discourse / February 13, 2019

Better Than Your Horoscope: ‘I honestly want closure. How do I get it?’

Welcome to another installment of “Better Than Your Horoscope,” where I answer your questions about life, the world, Knox, whatever. Today we have a love-related question that I am entirely unequipped to answer:

 

Me and this boy have been talking for a while and we broke it off after I found out he was talking to another girl…but I honestly want closure. How do I get it?

 

I feel like I’m about to sound about 83 years old, but I don’t really understand what the term “talking” means. But for the sake of answering this question, I’m going to assume you mean a person you’re sort-of-seeing, but never officially. Like a friend who is definitely more than a friend but not a boyfriend. In which case, I get what you mean, and that almost makes it more complicated.

When you never agreed what you “were,” very suddenly becoming not a thing can almost be more painful.

Feeling like you’re the most special person to somebody only to realize that you may not be is definitely not a fun feeling. He may not realize that this is what you were feeling (although, to be honest, he should). And it’s not necessarily your job to explain that to him.

But still, if you want closure, you might have to. You might have to just bite the bullet and tell him how you’re feeling, otherwise you’re just going to let it mill around your head. And if you want to fully move on, putting it out there might help a lot.

I’d suggest talking in person about it. I mean, it’s Knox, you’re probably going to see him around anyway. So grab him when you get the chance, or meet up somewhere, to talk about it. That way, he knows, and maybe after talking about it, you can leave it behind, and you can both move on.

The thing is, you have to accept the possibility that he will not even remotely understand what you’re trying to tell him. Or that talking to him about it might not actually give you any closure, but just open up a few more doors. I don’t know you, or the guy at hand, so I have no idea how your communication is. But if you have a tendency to leave conversations with him feeling not fully heard to begin with, this might be a tough one.

Still, even if the conversation doesn’t give you that final “closure” you’re searching for, at least you tried to get it. You may get an apology and that might make things a little better.

Ultimately, however, I think the only way to get closure is to give it time. Things are going to look different a week from now, a month from now, a year from now. At some point, it might not even matter anymore.

But right now, it does. So talk to him about it. Give it a shot.

And then move on.

 

Best,

Erika

 

If you want your question answered in next week’s issue, submit anonymously at bit.ly/TKSAdvice (that’s case-sensitive!) or drop me a line at ejriley@knox.edu.

Erika Riley, Editor-in-Chief
Erika Riley is a junior majoring in creative writing and minoring in journalism. During her sophomore year, she worked as a news editor, and during her freshman year, she worked as a layout editor. She is the winner of the 2017 Ida M. Tarbell Prize for Investigative Reporting and the recipient of First Place Front Page Layout from the Illinois Press Association in 2016. Twitter: @ej_riley

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